"That's fantastic son, you really sorted me out, great job, take the rest of the day off, you know it's not true about [ INSERT NAME OF FACELESS CORPORATION HERE ], thanks again," said the 75 year old man I'd just helped with his query.
I'd just patiently spent approximately 28 minutes talking him through a website issue that a 12-year-old would have figured out in 28 seconds.
I think most call centre staff worldwide want to tell anyone over 60 to go out to the back garden, build a small ceremonial pyre, burn their computer as a witch and pretend it never existed but we know our P45, or equivalent would be on our desk before we could say 'thank you for your call'. So we don't. We're patient, upbeat, considerate, empathetic and all the other things our corporate masters require us to be.
In truth, I like helping old people and admire their determination to keep up with new fangled technology; their refusal to let it beat them.
However, my company feel I should be able to do this in an average of six minutes and twenty seconds.
So, always in the back of my mind there's the thought, I've got to get this old bastard off the phone before he cocks up my stats and I lose my bonus.
It's the great con of customer service. The nicest, most helpful people that you are so glad you've spoken to when you've called [ FACELESS COMPANY ] are probably going to get sacked for not taking enough calls in a day.
The ones who give arbitrary instructions, leave you to struggle, get frustrated and spoil your day are going to be their managers favourite's, get paid more and eventually climb the ladder where they'll get to spend their days firing the nice people.
So next time you call [ FACELESS COMPANY ] spare a thought for that cheery, helpful girl/guy you're talking too because the longer you stay on the phone the more you are contributing to them getting the sack.
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